TRANSITION

as some of you may know, i lost my job a little over a month ago. as you can imagine it was a rather harsh blow for me. the shock, the worry, the uncertain future in these troubled economic times and lastly, the reality of my situation. to be completely honest, i was hurt by what transpired at my former job, having been released about one month short of my 6th year with this company, i'm fired. oh, believe me, if my objective is to be open and honest with my readers, i can't change direction now and try to minimize or "candy coat" this. i wouldn't only not be honest, but not truthful by trying to convey it as if i was "laid off" when in fact i wasn't. i do regret making decisions that day that i was released, but early on, i knew what's done is done. yeah, i didn't like such a drastic decision, although this was my livelihood, it's not the end of life. just the end of this particular chapter in my life.

with an unemployment claim denied, no concrete job lined up, the search continues. however in the midst of this TRANSITION i am at peace. as i've told several friends, i have NO OTHER CHOICE but to remain positive, hopefully and focused. yeah, the "sting" of losing my job shook me a little, but i picked up myself, ironically, three days later. i know that for whatever reason God has allowed for this to happen, it's in my best interest. yeah, i don't know what awaits me in the near future, but if i stay true to my faith and walk in the Lord, not only will He guide me, but if need be carry me. i refuse to fall into the trap of despair, hurt, anger, bitterness, hopelessness, fear and so on. the way that i see this is, what good would all that do for me??? what good is worry?? what good is hurt or bitterness?? what good is fear?? how do those thoughts and emotions help lift me up, encourage me, or guide me through this season. i cannot and will not pass myself as the "poor little victim", in all honesty, that's just pretty dumb. if this season is to test my faith, than so be it, but by the same token i have to be proactive in what i do to find a job.

in this midst of this uncertainty i now find myself in, i'm thankful God Himself has blessed me with a close circle of trusted friends . . . . brothers, if you will, who surround me and i know, pray for me. one of which helped me to come on board at a charter school to help substitute while i continue my search of permanent employment. these friend, these brothers God allowed for them to come my way by His divine plan. I recall telling one of these brothers that i don't know how some people not only blame God, but hold it against Him when life changes (crisis) come their way. in all honesty??? i don't understand how a person who doesn't have a relationship with Christ, get through some of the mess life hands us, that whole concept is beyond me.

i leave you with this, this morning i didn't set out to post a new blog entry. i was simply on-line doing some job searches and HE prompted me to share this. if you find yourself in a crisis, whether it's a job situation, health, finances, family, a lost job or home, endless amounts of debt, know and i mean know it in your spirit, don't just understand it, know it, that whatever season you find yourself in, it is working for your good. i know, (i really do) it may not seem like it when we're in the middle of a future of uncertainty and we have all these unanswered questions, but HE IS THERE! you may not "feel" HIM, but HE is. in the middle of endless job searches, HE IS THERE, in the midst of family crisis, HE IS THERE, frustrated with a job, HE IS THERE, in the midst of heartache and broken promises, HE IS THERE, don't know how you're going to make ends meet? HE IS THERE, whatever you face, not only trust HIM, but trust IN HIM.

my prayer for you who read this, is that the peace of GOD ALMIGHTY surround you, may HE lift you up, and take you places that in your mind were not possible, because i simply trust HIM to do it for me as well. blessings!

strength and honor,

[dM]

FYI

dear friends, i just wanted you to know that there is more for me to share on my blogsite here in the near future. due to an unexpected change that has occured, i'm not afforded too much free time in order to post my personal experiences to help and encourage you on a regular basis. my heart is to be as open and honest with my readers to allow you to see the many things that occur not only in my life, but in your's as well. i've been dealt a harsh blow nearly two week ago, however i hold on to my faith in HIM Who has allow these thing to occur. we are all on this journey together and i hope and trust that in some small measure, i am able to encourage and inspire you as YOU travel on this journey called life.

as i enter in a new season in my life, and when all this dust has settled, i will be more than happy to share with you, what has transpired within these last few weeks. until next time friends . . . . .

strength and honor,

[dM]

thursday's quote

"all God's giants have been weak men, who did great things for God because they reckoned on HIs being with them" ---hudson taylor

tuesday's quote

"we sow a thought and reap an act, we sow an act and reap a habit, we sow a habit and reap a character, we sow a character and reap a destiny" ---william makepeace thackeray

monday's quote

"the utterly best thing for a man is to be good, even if he were never rewarded for it" ---charles kingsley

oh no!, not me (part 5)

looking back on that whole episode that i experience with this ministry and it's leadership, was the fact that i was offend because i was lied to, deceived, and betrayed by so called men of God. the truth of the matter is that my expectations of them, as ministers and leaders was shattered. the new testament speaks of the phileo love that we share and/or give as Christians. it's an affectionate love that is conditional. phileo says, "you scratch my back, and i'll scratch yours," or "you treat me kindly, and i'll do the same." i've learned the hard way, that i've got to love others in spite of what i they can do for me in return.

for example, several years ago, my best friend was without a car, although at one time he had two, one was an older car which needed engine repairs and in light of how old the car was, it was better to just leave as is and not bother trying to repair it. it would have been more costly to repair than what the car was worth. the other ended up in an accident and, well, pretty much the same situation there. i offered my car to my buddy on several occasions and at one point, he had it for about a month or so, if not longer. when i finally got my car back from him, there were times that i knew it would once again come in handy for him. aside from that, when he was also in need of finances i would offer to help him with that as well. what i'm about to share is an example as to how twisted and damaged i was. to some it may sound a bit trivial, but if my sharing this helps someone, somehow, it's severed it's intended purpose.

if my best friend, choose not to accept either my car to help him get to work and for personal errands or he choose not to accept money to help him, i was hurt by that. i was offended, i felt rejected. the way the devil had me was basically like this: if my friend didn't need my car, he didn't need david. if he didn't need my financial help, he didn't need me. this goes back to the one of the major categories that i stated in my previous entry. i was part of the "those who believe they have been treated unjustly. i didn't see that way, i didn't see it as what it simply was. if he didn't need my car, he simply didn't need it. but since i never dealt with my wounded spirit, i saw it as, if he doesn't need my help, he doesn't need me. i know it may sound a bit extreme, but please, understand, that was the trap i once found myself in. i've come to the conclusion, just as john bevere stated in his book, "if i have expectations about certain persons, those people can let me down. they will disappoint me to the degree that they fall short of my expectations. but if i have no expectations about someone, anything given is a blessing and not something owed"

unknowingly, we set ourselves up for offence when we require certain behaviors from those with whom we have relationships. the more we expect, the greater the potential offense. we construct walls when we are hurt to safeguard our hearts and prevent any future wounds. we become selective, denying entry to all we fear will hurt us. we filter out anyone we think owes us something and open our lives only to those we believe are on our side. if we don't risk being hurt, we cannot give unconditional love. unconditional love give others the right to hurt us.

in closing, i simply ask you this, what is it that you expect from others? and what do you think others expect from you?

excerpts from the bait of statan by john bevere charisma house 2004

friday's quote

"it is more important to help a stumbling brother that to prove yourself correct" ---john bevere

oh no!, not me (part 4)

as i've shared my experience of having dealt with that hurt, offence, bitterness and betrayal of those whom i'd worked with and for. i know i've been open and honest with that particular experience, however, allow me to share some vital things that i've learned through this and other situations in which i've put himself in to show how i WAS and quite possibly you may either see yourself in, whether past or present, but hopefully NOT in the future.

in john bevere's book the bait of satan, i learned ALOT about myself. the reason offence is rampant among believers and church leaders is a lack of genuine love. so many are snared in this deceptive trap (of offence) that we have almost come to believe it is a normal way of life. those whom we sit with and sing alongside, or perhaps it is the one who is delivering the sermon. we spend holidays, attend social functions, and share offices with them. or perhaps it's closer. we grow up with, confide in, and sleep next to them. however, the truth of the matter is, the closer the relationship, the more severe the offence! you find the greatest hatred among people who were once close. ironically, when offence does occur, we believe we are the only ones who have been wronged and what a deception that is. when a person is deceived, he believes he is right even though he is not. no matter what the scenario, we can divide all offended people into two major categories: (1) those who have been treated unjustly or (2) those who believe they have been treated unjustly.

people in the second category believe with all their heart that they have been wronged. often their conclusions are drawn from inaccurate information. or their information is accurate, but their conclusion is distorted. either way, they hurt and their understanding is darkened. they judge by assumption, appearance, and here say. often, pride tends to be the centerpiece of offence. pride keeps you from dealing with truth. pride hardens your heart and dims the eyes of your understanding. because you believe you are innocent and falsely accused, you hold back forgiveness. though your true heart condition is hidden from you, it is not hidden from God. just because you were mistreated, you do not have permission to hold on to an offense. two wrongs don't make a right! too many times when we are offended we see ourselves as victims and blame those who hurt us. we justify our bitterness, unforgiveness, anger, envy, and resentment as they surface. when we blame others and defend our own position, we truly are blind.

i challenge you to conduct a small self evaluation of your heart. think about it and see the links between where you've been before or quite possibly where your at right now as it relates to this deadly trap. my position in this is not to judge, because in all honesty, who am i? but i do want for you to think about how this could play out in your own life. more to come on monday's entry.

thursday's quote

"happiness is not the end of life; character is" --- henry ward beecher

wednesday's quote

"success is measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed" ---booker t. washington

tuesday's quote

"there are too many people praying for mountains of difficulty to be removed, when what they really need is courage to climb them" ---unknown

monday's quote

"but i say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you" ---matthew 5:44

oh no!, not me (part 3)

after a few days of having been released from my job and having felt betrayed by my own boss, i called the office to set a time to meet with him since he was back in town and at the office. mind you, this was a ministry that i had worked for and my supervisor was an ordained minister. after several failed attempts to speak with him by phone, i showed up at the office unannounced. after waiting several minutes i choose to walk into his office. this man, this "minister" sat at his desk and told me that he had no clue what was going on and that knew nothing of my pending dismissal and that it was all a surprise to him. granted we engaged in a heated discussion, i told him that he would not do this to me and get away with it and that i was going to find out myself what was going on.

i called the president of the ministry to inform him of the method that one of his ministers was conducting business within his office and how he openly and blatantly lied to my face about not having any idea that about my position being eliminated. sad to say, but even with "ministers" i got the run around and this was from people who i worked for. about a week later, the president of the ministry called me and in my hurt, anger, and bitterness i gave him an ear full of my thoughts. i told him that i had no respect for a person who claims to be a "man of God" yet has the nerve to lie to my face and how my former boss chose to fly someone in from out of state to release me and then say he knew nothing about it, i told the president that my former boss was a spineless coward and a liar.

ironically, i didn't get sympathy from this person either and what was even more hurtful, is that NO ONE from this organization ever apologize for how this whole situation was handled. an apology would not have changed anything, but it would certainly eased the "sting of betrayal" that i had experienced. weeks after all this happen, an "insider" who knew of the situation and of what had transpired, shared with me that at an executive officers' meeting months before, it was decided to eliminated my position (at a set date) and at my release they agreed on giving me four months salary (severance) pay. all this was documented in the minutes of the executive officers' meeting. yet my former supervisor didn't release me as they had agreed nor did i receive my severance pay.

this event that occured with this ministry, truly broke me in so many ways. never in my life had i felt so betrayed by Christians and especially by "ministers", it's bad enough if that happens within lay people in the church, but by leaders of an "denominational organization"?? during that time, i lost respect for ministers, because i was so wounded by their lies and deception, i felt, "they all the same". i felt i was the "victim". i was the one that was "wronged". i was the one that was lied to. i was the one that was "screwed". and yet the story continues.

friday's quote

"no man, for any considerable period of time, can wear one face to himself and another to the mulititude without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the truth" ---nathaniel hawthorne

oh no!, not me (part 2)

about 10 years ago i became part of the management team for an international ministry based in the DFW area. several months had past and all was going well (or so i thought). the person i worked direct for happened to be out of town as part of his usual ministry business. i knew that one of the ministry's executive officers was arriving in town during my supervisor's trip. this executive officer would come to visit us and meet with area ministers whenever he was in town, so naturally, i thought this would be another one of those visits.

oddly enough, during his second day's visit to the office, he called me into a vacant office that he would use during his trip to the area and he gave me the news that he was actually in town to "let me go". that's right, his trip from another part of the country was to "dismiss" me, hence giving me the reason that my position was going to be eliminated. of course i had no knowledge of staff changes that were happening. during the course of his discussion with me, he asked if i was aware of the changes that were going to be made. i told him that i didn't, then his facial expression changed, because my supervisor was to give me notice of the pending staff reorganization. not only did my superior fail to inform me, but i later came to find out that he asked the executive officer to come and release me during the time he was going to be out of town.

so that day, i gathered my things and left only having to return the next morning to finalize some pending financial matters. when i arrived the next morning, i noticed that they had changed the security code on the alarm system (i'm thinking what for? you've got my key). after i sat with the executive officer and walked him through all the pending checks and invoices and so on, i left. i left wounded, feeling how could my supervisor do this to me. to go out of town, go through the expense of flying someone in (on ministry money mind you) in order to release me. the man didn't even notify me as instructed by his superiors. i think that would have left and ANYONE a little furious. that event was the beginning of one of the worst ministry experiences that i had to deal with. anger, bitterness, hurt, disbelief and offence begin to settle in. and if you think that's was the worst of it, in all honesty, it truly doesn't get better for sure.

thursday's quote

"God gave us eyes so that we might see; He gave us ears that we might hear; He gave us wills that we might choose, and He gave us heart that we might live" ---john eldredge from his book wild at heart

wednesday's quote

"the tragedy of life is what dies inside a man while he lives" ---albert schweitzer

oh no!, not me (part 1)

we've all experienced it. we've all done it. yet some CHOOSE to live with it, a weight that is at times is unbearable. what could it be? it's something that if we are not careful it has the potential to affect more that just you, but those closet to you. it's offence, i'm almost certain that word has triggered a past discussion, deed or person in your mind, perhaps something that you're having to deal with even as you read this. there are several factors involved with offence such as, was it intentional or unintentional, perception (how something was said, as opposed to how it was meant) when we fail to hold true to our word, the whole "but you said" scenario. could it be our deeds, in what you do or say out of anger, hurt or disappointment.

some of what i'll share in these next few entries will be from john bevere's book, the bait of satan. when addressing such a personal topic one must understand that one can overcome offence, i'm a living witness to that. i learned my lesson on this the hard way. yes, this book was a tool that was brought to my attention by a former college roommate and friend. i recall i was sitting traffic on my cell phone talking to this dear brother and explaining to him a situation/disagreement that i had with someone and i was "just speaking my mind and venting". the reality of it is that i wanted someone to see it my way and agree with me and take my side. oddly enough, some of you are right on track with me on that.

psalm 55: 12-14 states: If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God. the closer the relationship, the more severe the offence and you will find the greatest hatred among people who were once close. i don't know about anyone else, but i've experienced both sides of offence and it's not a nice ride. the next few entries will be on this topic that so many of us have had to go through, unfortunately, when it's with others from the "church" things tend to get a little "outta hand". so as i heard a pastor once say "you better put your seat belt on, 'cause i'm comin' down your street"

tuesday's quote

"God prepares great men for great tasks by great trials" ---j.k. gressett

monday's quote

"a friend is someone who knows you as you are, understands where you've been, accepts who you've become, and still invites you to grow." ---stu weber

the transparent man

as he sat there trying his best to hold his tears back, there was such a deafening silence in the room. slowly he mustered up the courage to continue telling his story. this man sat, with what seemed like and overwhelming sense of fear yet, the truth of the matter is, he has stood before the masses in confidence. however this was different, very different. as many men know yet choose to not address, it's this: at times we hold a secret sin that has kept us in bondage for too long, while we continue to serve in His work.

this man sat for hours, sharing his story, with all the details as to how he covered up his sins before many. skillfully and cunningly holding it far from others to know, yet ironically, held it so close to himself as it consumed this life. this wasn't something that he just randomly chose to pick up as a habit one day when he awoke. this was a sin that was a result of events that were planned early on in his life and never addressed, so in essence, never conquered. so after years for hiding and fighting this stronghold that had overtaken him, he sought Godly counsel, advice and accountability.

it doesn't come naturally for a man to be completely transparent with others, but it most certainly is a process that takes time, for some, quicker than others. for others, a little longer than some. this man is one whom i've known for years, YET was shocked to hear of the sin he was involved in during the time he served in the church as a paid full-time staff member. although this man is younger than i, yet i admire him for his candor and willingness to speak from the heart of the sin that once held him captive in his heart, mind and body. the graphic details of his deeds and the endless amounts of wasted money by the hundreds, all to feed a sin that was so dark and deep, yet he kept it hidden.

he knew that is was only a matter of time before somehow, some way, he would fail to cover his tracks and that his sin would be reveled for all to see. not to mention, the level of torment that he fought with on at daily basis. thankfully, the spiritual wound was in it's beginning stages for being healed along with discipline, accountability, guidance and counsel, he prevailed over what could have brought his ministry down. in the course our conversation, one that went on well into the next day (ending at 5:00am) he admitted, that the way he was able to hide so much, for so long, from so many was this "the devil protects his own" meaning if you dabble in it a little, the enemy will entice you in his destructive web of deceit, lies, masks etc. in order to hide it from others.

are you willing to continue in your ways? or can you "BE A REAL MAN" and take responsibility for your actions, or as i like to say, "man up and own up" to what holds you captive. can we as men truly be the transparent man? not to the world or the masses, but to least ONE single person?? one who love and not judge, one who will encourage and not despise, one who can admire and respect you for your honesty and ability to be forthcoming. we ALL need someone to lean on while on this journey, who's your friend or brother that you lean on?

i leave you with this, from his sermon titled the spirit of jacob bishop t.d. jakes shares " you may have done the things they said you've done, but you are not who they say you are." so i submit this to you, who do YOU say you are?

friday's quote

"we can't judge others by their actions then judge ourselves by our intentions" ---quote from the movie facing the gaints

a short course in human relationships

the following is taken from relationships 101 by john c. maxwell

• the least important word: i
• the most important word: we
• the two most important words: thank you
• the three most important words: all is forgiven
• the four most important words: what is your opinion?
• the five most important words: you did a good job
• the six most important words: i want to understand you better

thursday's quote

"to be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved" ---george mac donald (scottish poet)

wednesday's quote

"people don't care how much you know, until they know who much you care" ---john c. maxwell

hurting people, hurt people

back in 2004, i suffered the lost of my then best friend, former roommate and ministry partner. a friend, one whom i was proud to call my brother. that year was one of, if not THE darkest season in my whole adult life. as one my friends once told me, "dude, you're just surrounded by death". in 2004, ten people whom i knew directly (or their family member) passed away that year. i attended funerals in palm desert, california, houston and dallas. my best friend . . . . . gone. my cousin . . . . . . gone. the pastor who gave me my first full-time ministry opportunity . . . . . gone. a former co-worker . . . . . gone, and list continues.

feeling empty, yet traveling on THIS JOURNEY CALLED LIFE, i learned to hide my pain before others around me, yet hurting those closest to me. i recall the emotional downward spiral i experienced, the questions, the hurt, the emptiness, the anger, the loneliness and yes, even the depression. i knew that i was at the lowest point in my life and although, i hid it from others, or rather tried, my deposition and behavior began to manifest outwardly of the internal torment that was brewing within me. for two months during that latter part of 2004, i found myself coming home from work and really feeling lonely. for those who have visited me at home, if you hadn't notice yet, you'll notice the next time, since i like the natural light to shine in my apartmenrt, i usually open up the blinds in my living room and kitchen before i head out for the day. however, during this "dark" season (in every sense of the word) i recall coming home, a home that should be a place of peace and comfort, yet it was a place of unrelenting emotional torment and loneliness. i'd walk in to window blinds still closed from the previous day, as i entered a dark, cold place. upon entering my bedroom, i'd lay in bed, huddled with a pillow and at times weep.

day after day, week after week for two months, that was my daily routine. the odd thing about all this, is that, this was all going on while i still served at my church . . . . . every week. i must admit, it wasn't hard to "get into character" while around the saints at church, because if anything, i had this down to an art. although as time went on, i became cold and bitter to those near and dear to me. my buddy who was literally my shoulder to cry on prior to my leaving to california to my best friend's funeral, he was the one who truly saw the ugly side of me. and why? because i was hurting deep inside, yet i chose to suffer in silence. in retrospect, i must say this dear brother was truly empowered by God's grace to deal with me. honestly, (raw & unedited) but when we're hurting deep down inside, we can become just downright, rude and nasty to be people around us and not really give a crap how we make them feel. because we see it as, "it's all about me" and you know what? IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT ME.

because of my hurt, my pain, my loneliness, my emptiness (and the list goes on) i was rude, sharp, indifferent, cold and distant to this brother. finally, because of my actions or a lack thereof, we scheduled some time to meet on a monday evening after i got done with work. deep down, i wasn't looking forward to this visit, but i held my end of the deal regardless as to how i felt. we met at a nearby restaurant and in the course of his "lecture" (that's i saw it back then) i was about to get the check, pay, end the discussion and leave. looking back on that day, i truly was a mess.

we continued the conversation at my apartment. and that is where God broke me as it related toward my actions to him. i saw the hurt in my brother's eyes and the sadness in his voice, that, as a direct result of my actions. we continued our talk and when we took a break from the discussion he step away from the living room for a few minutes, it was then that the Holy Spirit convicted me like never before and for the first time (with this particular brother) i was ashamed for my actions, for what i knowingly did to hurt him. as he returned to the living room and about to sit on the couch, i told him not to. then humbly, man to man, i confessed MY SIN, of being self centered, arrogant and mean toward him. i asked him to stand in front of me, and in the most humbled act that i could think of, i told him that i was not worthy to look at him eye to eye and face to face. as i stood in front of him, i then knelt in front of him, through my tears and voice breaking, i looked up at him and asked for his forgiveness. as it did, this dear brother was telling "no, no, you don't have to." but in all honesty I had to. he gave me his hand to help me up and he embraced me and i wept, with such pain of regret. the regret of my actions to hurt my brother.

hurt has the ability to manifest itself in so many ways. when we're in the midst of hurt and heartache, at times wisdom, reason and understanding are not present, therefore in our broken state, we hurt others directly or indirectly. which ever the case may be, at some point, WE NEED to own up to our actions. remember, if there's anything out of what you have read, know this (once again) if HE did it for me, HE'LL do it for you as well.

lastly, several weeks ago, i had a heaviness for some friends of a church i had been visiting. i prayed for four couples and in my spirit i saw, hurt, pain but in the midst of that, denial. denial that there was an unresolved . . . . . . call it what you want to call it, but this "thing", this silence or pride of knowing the marriage isn't where it needs to be, yet no one says anything. or least, no one says anything to correct the situation (that's a different blog entry in the making). as i prayed for these people, these friends, God dropped this in my spirit and it holds SO VERY true to all of us, and it's this: if there's hurt in the home, it's because there's hurt in the heart. so i submit this question to you if you're hurting: are you willingly and knowingly content in living with the hurt in you? believe me, i don't want an answer, but just ask yourself that question and simply answer, yourself.


strength and honor,

[dM]

tuesday's quote

"you cannot correct, what you will not confront" ---t.d. jakes

monday's quote

"it is better to admit your ignorance, than to prove it by your experience." ---michael rowan

the beginning

over the course of the last few months, i've toyed with the idea of blogging my thoughts, ideas and encounters that i experience. one may say, but why? well, just as i've been encouraged by what many of my friends who have shared in their own blogs, i felt "heck, why not?"

by God's unmerited favor, also known as GRACE, i've come along way from the man i used to be, i've been in a season of my life, that as a man, God has given me the ability to be open, honest and transparent to other brothers in what i experience in life. my heart aches for the endless amounts of brothers who give so much of themselves for the sake of the ministry that at times we run on empty. i feel we don't have a safe haven, a place that as a man, i can share my most haunting pain, disappointment, hurt, discouragement, anger etc. to other brother. a brother that will love me, encourage me and if need be, CORRECT me.

i've chosen to share my life, my story, my experiences . . . . . the good the bad and the ugly. why? because in all sincerity, i truly feel that the generation before us, powerful men of God who did awesome and mighty things for the Kingdom, many who are now entering the prime and golden years in life. those who are or have reach the season of handing it all over, to a younger generation. those men who have kept the faith, some have gone on to be with their Creator, many if not all have gone to the grave with a wounded and bleeding soul, because they took their, hurt, pain and suffering with them.

as men in ministry can certainly attest to the fact, we will reach a point of wanting to give up and throw in the towel, yet somehow we continue do what He has called to do. YES, even we need a place to be open and honest a place that we can feel safe, a place where we will not be judged for our feelings and thoughts. if we are not careful, literally it's only a matter of time before we explode, because, as i like to say, "we CHOOSE to suffer in silence", and that's one of the worse things we can do.

simply put, if you were at a crossroad, you have several options at your disposal. you could go FORWARD, you could go BACKWARD, you could turn LEFT or you could turn RIGHT. in plain sight those are the only options available. but the reality of it, there are not FOUR options, but FIVE. and no, it's not going "up" (what, you've got wings or something??) the other option is doing NOTHING. doing nothing is a decision in itself. if we choose not to go FORWARD, BACKWARD, LEFT or RIGHT, then we have made a decision to do nothing, and that's a dangerous place to be. when we've knowingly made a decision to do nothing and suffer in silence, rather than make the decision to "MAN UP" and be proactive.

to all who read this and future postings, but especially my brothers, my male counterparts, we need, we truly need to know and understand, not only in our mind, but in our spirit, that I AM NOT ALONE IN THIS. hopefully you'll be encouraged and in some regards, relate to what is shared, ultimately it is ALL to bring GLORY TO GOD AND GOD ALONE.

strength and honor,

[dM]