oh no!, not me (part 5)

looking back on that whole episode that i experience with this ministry and it's leadership, was the fact that i was offend because i was lied to, deceived, and betrayed by so called men of God. the truth of the matter is that my expectations of them, as ministers and leaders was shattered. the new testament speaks of the phileo love that we share and/or give as Christians. it's an affectionate love that is conditional. phileo says, "you scratch my back, and i'll scratch yours," or "you treat me kindly, and i'll do the same." i've learned the hard way, that i've got to love others in spite of what i they can do for me in return.

for example, several years ago, my best friend was without a car, although at one time he had two, one was an older car which needed engine repairs and in light of how old the car was, it was better to just leave as is and not bother trying to repair it. it would have been more costly to repair than what the car was worth. the other ended up in an accident and, well, pretty much the same situation there. i offered my car to my buddy on several occasions and at one point, he had it for about a month or so, if not longer. when i finally got my car back from him, there were times that i knew it would once again come in handy for him. aside from that, when he was also in need of finances i would offer to help him with that as well. what i'm about to share is an example as to how twisted and damaged i was. to some it may sound a bit trivial, but if my sharing this helps someone, somehow, it's severed it's intended purpose.

if my best friend, choose not to accept either my car to help him get to work and for personal errands or he choose not to accept money to help him, i was hurt by that. i was offended, i felt rejected. the way the devil had me was basically like this: if my friend didn't need my car, he didn't need david. if he didn't need my financial help, he didn't need me. this goes back to the one of the major categories that i stated in my previous entry. i was part of the "those who believe they have been treated unjustly. i didn't see that way, i didn't see it as what it simply was. if he didn't need my car, he simply didn't need it. but since i never dealt with my wounded spirit, i saw it as, if he doesn't need my help, he doesn't need me. i know it may sound a bit extreme, but please, understand, that was the trap i once found myself in. i've come to the conclusion, just as john bevere stated in his book, "if i have expectations about certain persons, those people can let me down. they will disappoint me to the degree that they fall short of my expectations. but if i have no expectations about someone, anything given is a blessing and not something owed"

unknowingly, we set ourselves up for offence when we require certain behaviors from those with whom we have relationships. the more we expect, the greater the potential offense. we construct walls when we are hurt to safeguard our hearts and prevent any future wounds. we become selective, denying entry to all we fear will hurt us. we filter out anyone we think owes us something and open our lives only to those we believe are on our side. if we don't risk being hurt, we cannot give unconditional love. unconditional love give others the right to hurt us.

in closing, i simply ask you this, what is it that you expect from others? and what do you think others expect from you?

excerpts from the bait of statan by john bevere charisma house 2004